My twenties have nothing like Ross or Rachel's and I feel betrayed. They got the whole "your job's a joke, you're broke" part right, but it's tougher than I though it would be. I find myself trying to figure out who I am all over again. It's like going through a second adolescence, or maybe it's just the whole quarter life crisis deal. Whatever it is, it's heavy. I still dream as big for my life as I did at 18, but now I see how hard it's really gonna be. I'm old enough to know just how cruel and ugly the world is, but young enough to say 'what the hell' and try anyway. I feel like I'm at a fork in the road point in my life and can see the possible downfall of each direction. I can see how the decisions that I make in the next couple of years are going to set the foundation for the rest of my like, and I can't begin to tell you how scary that is for me. It all counts now.
I try to tell myself I have so much time, but I'm not buying as easily as I use to. I'm starting to feel that push to hit the milestones of adult life ( stable job, stable relationship, STABILITY) and it's paralyzing. As much as I want those things, I feel like it will take me away from my dreams and my passions. I'm an actress and there's nothing stable about that. If I continue pursuing an acting career, will that mean I'll never be stable and therefore never be a real adult? Not if I can get work I guess. I like being a bit of a gypsy. There's something kinda romantic about it to me. I'm sure I'll be able to settle down when I need/want to. I just have to learn how to take my time and as long as I have no one else to take care of, my time is mine. BREATHE.
